I would like to take this opportunity to thank each of you for responding in such supportive and encouraging ways to my blog and discussion posts. Your posts have inspired, enlightened, and informed me and I am grateful for the opportunity to get a peek into each of your worlds.
I wish you the best as we continue our Walden journey and continued success and happiness in your personal and professional lives.
God Bless!
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Adjourning
I have had the hardest time during the adjourning stage of the group process in groups where I felt a cohesiveness, like everyone had come through the experience stronger from the challenges that had been worked through and from the relationships that had been formed. Additionally, when you get to know group members on a personal level I think it is harder to leave and I think more of an effort is made to keep in touch. Once a year I still get together with a group of people I worked with 20 years ago and we retell stories about incidents that happened while working together, some of them bring tears from laughing and other tears of sadness. In that process we affirm the work we did and the students we helped and we offer support in current projects that are going on in each other's lives.
Adjourning from a group that I have only communicated with electronically and in a structured setting will be a new experience for me. It would be nice to keep in touch via e mail and I would like to actually meet at graduation as we clebrate our success at achieveing our Master's together, and put names with faces and say thank you for helping me grow and learn and best wishes for the future!
Adjourning from a group that I have only communicated with electronically and in a structured setting will be a new experience for me. It would be nice to keep in touch via e mail and I would like to actually meet at graduation as we clebrate our success at achieveing our Master's together, and put names with faces and say thank you for helping me grow and learn and best wishes for the future!
Friday, February 8, 2013
Conflict Resolution
I recently experienced a conflict at work that could have been handled much more effectively had I known what I know now about conflict resolution. Specifically, we approached our discussions as opponents rather than partners (Conflict Resolution Network, n.d.). Because the discussion began in an accusatory tone, I was put on the defensive. The discussion ended in accusations and judgments. My boss acted as arbiter and the solution he came up with was agreed to by both sides but not supported by either side resulting in a complete breakdown of communication. We were in the same building, but not talking.
More productive conflict resolution would have included active listening to gather information and determine needs rather than making assumptions (Conflict Resolution Network, n.d.). Reflecting back to the other party what I heard them saying would have signified I was taking in and processing their perspective. Additionally, it would have helped me understand their point of view. With legitimate needs and concerns in focus we could have explored various options, even set up a trial-and-error period to try new options so that a win-win situation could have resulted.
The other party involved in the conflict has since moved on; but, my boss has made a point of asking if I need anything on a regular basis. As soon as the other party left, he told us to go back to doing things the way we had been prior to the disagreement. There are still unresolved issues, but it seems he is more attuned to our needs and I am more aware of the need to express myself clearly, unemotionally, and to reflect back to him what I hear him saying to be sure we are on the same page.
Conflict Resolution Network. (n.d.). CR kit. Retrieved from http://www.crnhq.org/pages.php?pID=12#skill_3.
More productive conflict resolution would have included active listening to gather information and determine needs rather than making assumptions (Conflict Resolution Network, n.d.). Reflecting back to the other party what I heard them saying would have signified I was taking in and processing their perspective. Additionally, it would have helped me understand their point of view. With legitimate needs and concerns in focus we could have explored various options, even set up a trial-and-error period to try new options so that a win-win situation could have resulted.
The other party involved in the conflict has since moved on; but, my boss has made a point of asking if I need anything on a regular basis. As soon as the other party left, he told us to go back to doing things the way we had been prior to the disagreement. There are still unresolved issues, but it seems he is more attuned to our needs and I am more aware of the need to express myself clearly, unemotionally, and to reflect back to him what I hear him saying to be sure we are on the same page.
Conflict Resolution Network. (n.d.). CR kit. Retrieved from http://www.crnhq.org/pages.php?pID=12#skill_3.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Who Am I As A Communicator?
This week's exercise revealed that my perception of my communication skills is very close to the perceptions others have of them. The thing that surprised me the most is that my husband's evaluations resulted in identical scores to mine. That shouldn't surprise me, though, because he is one of very few people I disclose my true feelings to. For example he knew that I experience moderate anxiety in certain contexts; whereas a colleague perceived my anxiety to be mild. Her perception is a result of me presenting myself as a capable speaker and someone she can have confidence in as her director. I was also a bit surprised that he and my colleague felt I was a people-oriented listener. I try to be an empathetic listener, but must admit sometimes I am very conscious of using my time efficiently and feel like I don't actively listen as well as I should. That is a struggle for me - the desire to use my time wisely could be seen as a good thing; however, it may also say I am too wrapped up in my own agenda to devote my undivided attention to others. O'Hair & Wiemann stated that what we value in ourselves we value in others (2012). I value productive communication and I respect other people's time so I tend to be more to the point when I communicate with them. Consequently, I value that quality in others; I appreciate those who get to the point.
I must remember that others have different styles of communicating and some value details in making their point. Asking questions and staying in the moment instead of thinking about what I need to be doing would help me listen better. I am thankful those closest to me feel I am a good listener, but I know I could do better!
Additionally, it is especially important when working with so many different children and families to keep an open mind about them. Those we perceive as sharing the same life experiences and preferences as ourselves may not. Even more important to remember, we cannot assume anything about anyone, looks can be deceiving and our personal schemas can skew our perceptions of others.
O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. Boston, MA: Bedford/St. Martin's.
I must remember that others have different styles of communicating and some value details in making their point. Asking questions and staying in the moment instead of thinking about what I need to be doing would help me listen better. I am thankful those closest to me feel I am a good listener, but I know I could do better!
Additionally, it is especially important when working with so many different children and families to keep an open mind about them. Those we perceive as sharing the same life experiences and preferences as ourselves may not. Even more important to remember, we cannot assume anything about anyone, looks can be deceiving and our personal schemas can skew our perceptions of others.
O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. Boston, MA: Bedford/St. Martin's.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Effective Communication and Cultural Diversity
My daily interaction at this time brings me in contact with basically two different aspects of culture - political affiliation and ethnicity. I find myself having to use different skill sets to communicate effectively with each.
I will admit that it is harder for me to listen openly and without bias to someone who shares different political views and to not have a "knee-jerk" negative evaluation of someone from another party before they even begin to speak their thoughts as Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond described it (2011, p. 104). I am trying to ask questions so I can better understand their frame of reference and to be mindful of the situation and do some self-talking to help me keep my preconceived ideas and emotions at bay so that I can rationally process information I am taking in and "avoid negative judgments" (Beebe et al., 2011, p. 108).
On the other hand, I am trying to use a different set of communication skills when working with a family of minority ethnicity. I am very motivated to learn about their culture and am trying to develop my skills of observing non-verbal cues and respecting their thoughts on eye contact and touching. I think together we are adapting and since we have had time to dialogue and understand each other's perspectives we have developed a mutual respect. I now understand their very cautious and protective behavior toward their child based on the dangerous circumstances they were brought up in. Additionally, Gonzalez-Mena helped me gain a new perspective on the family's desire to do everything for their child and how that models for the child how to help others (2010). As the author pointed out I still have my frame of reference but it has expanded to include the perspectives of those with a different worldview.
Beebe, S., Beebe, S.& Redmond, M. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.
Gonzalez-Mena, J. (2010). 50 strategies for communication and working with diverse families. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc.
I will admit that it is harder for me to listen openly and without bias to someone who shares different political views and to not have a "knee-jerk" negative evaluation of someone from another party before they even begin to speak their thoughts as Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond described it (2011, p. 104). I am trying to ask questions so I can better understand their frame of reference and to be mindful of the situation and do some self-talking to help me keep my preconceived ideas and emotions at bay so that I can rationally process information I am taking in and "avoid negative judgments" (Beebe et al., 2011, p. 108).
On the other hand, I am trying to use a different set of communication skills when working with a family of minority ethnicity. I am very motivated to learn about their culture and am trying to develop my skills of observing non-verbal cues and respecting their thoughts on eye contact and touching. I think together we are adapting and since we have had time to dialogue and understand each other's perspectives we have developed a mutual respect. I now understand their very cautious and protective behavior toward their child based on the dangerous circumstances they were brought up in. Additionally, Gonzalez-Mena helped me gain a new perspective on the family's desire to do everything for their child and how that models for the child how to help others (2010). As the author pointed out I still have my frame of reference but it has expanded to include the perspectives of those with a different worldview.
Beebe, S., Beebe, S.& Redmond, M. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.
Gonzalez-Mena, J. (2010). 50 strategies for communication and working with diverse families. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
No Sound Television Watching
I chose to watch Parks and Recreation because I had just seen one of the stars host the Golden Globe Awards and I thought she was very funny during the award show and I had never watched her television series.
This show had many different scenes and basically involved a group of women from an office at City Hall and a group of men from the office. The story line of the women focused on two topics. One involved a Native American man, and two people with Bulging Burger jackets on and a construction site with the Bulging Burger sign posted. The interaction with the Native American man showed that they were nervously trying to impress him. He appeared to have a position of power. They did not agree with the two people from the burger place because their interaction involved angry faces and a refusal to shake hands when they met at the site. They were also involved in a story line that involved a bachelorette party and I figured out the main character must be the bride to be because she was wearing a special hat. During the party the women go out to the construction site and bury Native American artifacts. That story line ends with construction workers digging up the articfacts and a meeting between all parties involved. I assumed the Native American man supported the women because they were smiling and exchanged winks and the man and woman from the burger place looked angry.
The other story line of the men followed them around to different venues laughing and drinking and at each venue a different one was wearing a Bachelor Boy hat so I assumed they were haing a bachelor party but each person took a turn wearing the hat so I wasn't sure who was actually getting married. At one point they called the women and were laughing and having a good time while the women were in the middle of their digging adventure and looked like they were responding to the phone call with fake laughter.
When I turned the sound up I understood which man was getting married and realized they were giving each man a chance to wear the hat and pick his favorite place to have fun. The women's story line turned out to be that they did not want the burger place to go up on sacred Native American land so they buried the artifacts to prove the land was sacred and therefore could not have a burger place built on it (the dialogue also revealed they wanted that land for a playground) and the Native American man was the one who had the authority to decide how it would be used. And, finally, the men and women were having a competition as to who would have the better party.
I will have to say that was a very long half hour. Though facial expressions were at times humourous, most of the humor of the show was lost because the dialogue contained the punchlines. Most of the nonverbal communication involved very pronounced facial expressions which helped create the mood of each scene and reflected the emotions of the characters involved. I think if I had already known something about the characters and had developed an interest in them before watching it would have been more enjoyable. As it was, I found myself struggling to keep focused and awake!
This show had many different scenes and basically involved a group of women from an office at City Hall and a group of men from the office. The story line of the women focused on two topics. One involved a Native American man, and two people with Bulging Burger jackets on and a construction site with the Bulging Burger sign posted. The interaction with the Native American man showed that they were nervously trying to impress him. He appeared to have a position of power. They did not agree with the two people from the burger place because their interaction involved angry faces and a refusal to shake hands when they met at the site. They were also involved in a story line that involved a bachelorette party and I figured out the main character must be the bride to be because she was wearing a special hat. During the party the women go out to the construction site and bury Native American artifacts. That story line ends with construction workers digging up the articfacts and a meeting between all parties involved. I assumed the Native American man supported the women because they were smiling and exchanged winks and the man and woman from the burger place looked angry.
The other story line of the men followed them around to different venues laughing and drinking and at each venue a different one was wearing a Bachelor Boy hat so I assumed they were haing a bachelor party but each person took a turn wearing the hat so I wasn't sure who was actually getting married. At one point they called the women and were laughing and having a good time while the women were in the middle of their digging adventure and looked like they were responding to the phone call with fake laughter.
When I turned the sound up I understood which man was getting married and realized they were giving each man a chance to wear the hat and pick his favorite place to have fun. The women's story line turned out to be that they did not want the burger place to go up on sacred Native American land so they buried the artifacts to prove the land was sacred and therefore could not have a burger place built on it (the dialogue also revealed they wanted that land for a playground) and the Native American man was the one who had the authority to decide how it would be used. And, finally, the men and women were having a competition as to who would have the better party.
I will have to say that was a very long half hour. Though facial expressions were at times humourous, most of the humor of the show was lost because the dialogue contained the punchlines. Most of the nonverbal communication involved very pronounced facial expressions which helped create the mood of each scene and reflected the emotions of the characters involved. I think if I had already known something about the characters and had developed an interest in them before watching it would have been more enjoyable. As it was, I found myself struggling to keep focused and awake!
Friday, January 11, 2013
Competent Communication
Communication takes place in many contexts and with different goals. I am going to focus on communication with the goal of maintaining a relationship. A close friend and I have maintained our friendship for the past 25 years. Though family, work, and other commitments prevent us from communicating on a regular basis, we make a point of having lunch every few months to reconnect and find out what has been going on in each other's lives. I know that she will not only celebrate my successes, but will be honest with me and give me sound advice and keep me accountable when I need it. According to O'Hair & Wiemann, truthfulness, accuracy, honesty, and reason set the tone for the integrity of communication (2012). I know that she is a woman who shares my values and faith and she knows me well enough to ask questions that will prompt me to be honest with myself when dealing with challenging issues. Another important principle of ethical communication is "We advocate sharing information, opinions, and feelings when facing significant choices while also respecting privacy and confidentiality" (O'Hair et al., 2012, p. 15). We can openly discuss our feelings and opinions because we can trust each other to keep the information confidential. I also respect the fact that she often pauses and thinks before responding. She respects the power of words and uses them carefully and genuinely. One of my favorite Bible verses is "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry..." James 1:19. She definitely models that principle and is a valued mentor for me as a person of true integrity reflected not only in her communication but in the way she lives her life.
O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.
O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.
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