Good Bye and Thank You!

I would like to take this opportunity to thank each of you for responding in such supportive and encouraging ways to my blog and discussion posts.  Your posts have inspired, enlightened, and informed me and I am grateful for the opportunity to get a peek into each of your worlds. 

I wish you the best as we continue our Walden journey and continued success and happiness in your personal and professional lives. 

God Bless!

Adjourning

I have had the hardest time during the adjourning stage of the group process in groups where I felt a cohesiveness, like everyone had come through the experience stronger from the challenges that had been worked through and from the relationships that had been formed.  Additionally, when you get to know group members on a personal level I think it is harder to leave and I think more of an effort is made to keep in touch.  Once a year I still get together with a group of people I worked with 20 years ago and we retell stories about incidents that happened while working together, some of them bring tears from laughing and other tears of sadness.  In that process we affirm the work we did and the students we helped and we offer support in current projects that are going on in each other's lives. 

Adjourning from a group that I have only communicated with electronically and in a structured setting will be a new experience for me.  It would be nice to keep in touch via e mail and I would like to actually meet at graduation as we clebrate our success at achieveing our Master's together, and put names with faces and say thank you for helping me grow and learn and best wishes for the future!

Conflict Resolution

I recently experienced a conflict at work that could have been handled much more effectively had I known what I know now about conflict resolution.  Specifically, we approached our discussions as opponents rather than partners (Conflict Resolution Network, n.d.).  Because the discussion began in an accusatory tone, I was put on the defensive.  The discussion ended in accusations and judgments.  My boss acted as arbiter and the solution he came up with was agreed to by both sides but not supported by either side resulting in a complete breakdown of communication.  We were in the same building, but not talking. 

More productive conflict resolution would have included active listening to gather information and determine needs rather than making assumptions (Conflict Resolution Network, n.d.).  Reflecting back to the other party what I heard them saying would have signified I was taking in and processing their perspective.  Additionally, it would have helped me understand their point of view.  With legitimate needs and concerns in focus we could have explored various options, even set up a trial-and-error period to try new options so that a win-win situation could have resulted. 

The other party involved in the conflict has since moved on; but,  my boss has made a point of asking if I need anything on a regular basis.  As soon as the other party left, he told us to go back to doing things the way we had been prior to the disagreement.  There are still unresolved issues, but it seems he is more attuned to our needs and I am more aware of the need to express myself clearly, unemotionally, and to reflect back to him what I hear him saying to be sure we are on the same page.

Conflict Resolution Network. (n.d.).  CR kit.  Retrieved from http://www.crnhq.org/pages.php?pID=12#skill_3. 

Who Am I As A Communicator?

This week's exercise revealed that my perception of my communication skills is very close to the perceptions others have of them.  The thing that surprised me the most is that my husband's evaluations resulted in identical scores to mine.  That shouldn't surprise me, though, because he is one of very few people I disclose my true feelings to.  For example he knew that I experience moderate anxiety in certain contexts; whereas a colleague perceived my anxiety to be mild.  Her perception is a result of me presenting myself as a capable speaker and someone she can have confidence in as her director.  I was also a bit surprised that he and my colleague felt I was a people-oriented listener.  I try to be an empathetic listener, but must admit sometimes I am very conscious of using my time efficiently and feel like I don't actively listen as well as I should.  That is a struggle for me - the desire to use my time wisely could be seen as a good thing; however, it may also say I am too wrapped up in my own agenda to devote my undivided attention to others.   O'Hair & Wiemann stated that what we value in ourselves we value in others (2012).  I value productive communication and I respect other people's time so I tend to be more to the point when I communicate with them.  Consequently, I value that quality in others; I appreciate those who get to the point.

I must remember that others have different styles of communicating and some value details in making their point.  Asking questions and staying in the moment instead of thinking about what I need to be doing would help me listen better.  I am thankful those closest to me feel I am a good listener, but I know I could do better! 

Additionally, it is especially important when working with so many different children and families to keep an open mind about them.  Those we perceive as sharing the same life experiences and preferences as ourselves may not.  Even more important to remember, we cannot assume anything about anyone, looks can be deceiving and our personal schemas can skew our perceptions of others.

O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M.  (2012).  Real communication: An introduction.  Boston, MA: Bedford/St. Martin's.