I recently experienced a conflict at work that could have been handled much more effectively had I known what I know now about conflict resolution. Specifically, we approached our discussions as opponents rather than partners (Conflict Resolution Network, n.d.). Because the discussion began in an accusatory tone, I was put on the defensive. The discussion ended in accusations and judgments. My boss acted as arbiter and the solution he came up with was agreed to by both sides but not supported by either side resulting in a complete breakdown of communication. We were in the same building, but not talking.
More productive conflict resolution would have included active listening to gather information and determine needs rather than making assumptions (Conflict Resolution Network, n.d.). Reflecting back to the other party what I heard them saying would have signified I was taking in and processing their perspective. Additionally, it would have helped me understand their point of view. With legitimate needs and concerns in focus we could have explored various options, even set up a trial-and-error period to try new options so that a win-win situation could have resulted.
The other party involved in the conflict has since moved on; but, my boss has made a point of asking if I need anything on a regular basis. As soon as the other party left, he told us to go back to doing things the way we had been prior to the disagreement. There are still unresolved issues, but it seems he is more attuned to our needs and I am more aware of the need to express myself clearly, unemotionally, and to reflect back to him what I hear him saying to be sure we are on the same page.
Conflict Resolution Network. (n.d.). CR kit. Retrieved from http://www.crnhq.org/pages.php?pID=12#skill_3.
Hi
ReplyDeleteI thought it was interesting that you were able to identify that the conversation started out with both of you viewing each other as opponents.
O'Hair and Wiemann identified triggers that can cause conflict such as inaccurate perceptions, incompatible goals, unbalanced costs or rewards and mainly provocation (O"Hair and Wiemann, 2012). When someone is aggressive or threatens our sense of identity by insulting us and implying we are incompetent it is easy to understand that we can become defensive (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2012). Unfortunately this breaks down the communication process further. It was fortunate you have a boss that was willing to mediate the situation.
Carolyn
Reference
O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.
Hi Suzanne,
ReplyDeleteI am with you that both sides and your boss should have been active listeners. If your boss wanted things to run the way they were to begin with than he should have explained this to both parties in a way that everyone understood. I think that it is good that your boss has been taking a more active role in communicating with you and I hope that it becomes easier for you to express your thought and feelings to your boss and coworkers.
Thanks for sharing your conflict.
Luci
Suzanne,
ReplyDeleteI believe that when people are that angry they shut out the ability to reason. Sometimes I feel it takes a person like your boss to help mediate, a person who is not emotionally involved and who can see beyond the issue. It too sounds like your boss wanted to provide a supportive climate, one that was ideal because it offers communicators a chance to honestly and considerately explore the issues involved in the conflict situation (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2012).
My hope for you is that your boss continues to be open and supportive.
Thank-you, for sharing!
Millie
References:
O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.